First Things First!

When we are all born we have one major role in life to play. We are a designed from before birth to be needy, dependent, self-centered, ungrateful, chaos-causing, demanding sons and daughters. Our role and function is to take whatever peace and harmony that our parent(s) had developed and bring them huge amounts of stress, sleep depravity, and in many cases financial pain. It is really a simple role to carry out and we come equipped with the ability, drive, and demanding spirit to make it happen. Then we start growing up.

We take on more roles. Soon, many of us have to take on being siblings. In this role we begin to learn that our demanding self-centeredness, constant dependency, and drive for our own personal happiness may be thwarted by others who have the same role. At this stage of life things usually become conflicted and complicated. It is here where we learn that our lives may not be the center of the rest of humanities’ universe. Terrible 2’s/3’s have begun.

We fight hard over the next 16 to 30 years of our life in an epic struggle as we take on more and more roles and functions in life like student, peer, athlete etc. We make friends and struggle through those roles. We meet new adults and have to deal with them and their expectations. We learn about God and our relationship with Him and with sin. Things just get complicated. During this time we also become highly aware of other people’s roles and functions in this world. We watch and experience things like death, divorce, dating, fighting, and many other struggles that come with human relationships. These tumultuous times, the “school” age, are when we begin making the shift from our primary role, child, to our intended role, adult.

Once we reach, early adulthood, we begin to take on more and more complex roles like spouse, parent, or leader. Here we become more self-aware and discover our true nature and the battle we really face in moving into our eternal role. These times in some ways seem less difficult than the “school” years due to our ability to choose, move, leave, and our power to project independence. However, these times can be some of the most anxiety building we ever go through, especially if during our “school” years our parents kept us at the center of their world. And here is where I get to my point, parents.

Whether you agree or disagree the following statement is time-tested and has been proven over and over again. Next to showing and living out a deep love for God, the 2nd best gift parents can give their kids is a strong loving marriage. God 1st! Marriage 2nd! Kids need to know that they aren’t the center of the universe. When kids come first they learn to be self-centered, because to a kid your focus on them above all else teaches them that very way of thinking. They struggle hard in young adulthood. They get married for selfish reasons and divorce for the same. They absolutely destroy their own children’s ability to find Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control in this world because they compound the self-centered view that was handed to them from their own parents. (I am speaking to me as well FYI)

However, if you want your kid to learn to put God AND others first, there is no better way to show that than to love your spouse. Put your spouse’s needs above your own but just under God’s. Your children will get angry and fight against you on this, but rest assured they need to have modeled for them a healthy, God-fearing marriage so that one day they can be a part of one too.


Other Posts You Might Like:

“That They May Be One” - Ross Thomson

Time to Choose and Decide - Andres Badillo

Citing Online Resources In APA Design For Your References Page - Tom King

Home, Sweet Home - Laurie Templeton

The World and Our Place In It - Beau Davis

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on the journeybaby dedication

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